The naming of babies is a difficult matter

So obviously Kate and I are trying to work out baby names.

This is easier said than done.

For one thing, you have to work backwards from a surname. Tricky because (a) we've always wanted to keep our own surnames, and (b) 'Fickling Mackenzie' is a hell of a mouthful. And has more 'ck's than a posh pants shop.

But we've got over that and it's starting to work as a surname for me. Coming up with a first name, however, involves more treacherous waters. Principally that we've had the wind put up us by our friends Tom and Sandy, who are due to have baby in about a fortnight, saying you should never tell your friends baby names because they'll always have known someone at school called x who they hated, or they'll remind you that Justinbieber is already taken and it's not really a girl's name.

So to put people off the scent we've come up with a shortlist of fake names. In fact, in the endless task of sorting through likes and dislikes in online baby-name sites, I think I'm arguably being more successful coming up with dumb fake names than I am at coming up with proper real names. Does that make me a bad father? Already?

Anyway, any prospective parents in the same situation are free to use my current shortlist:

Chamwow

Marky Mark

Umberella

Bennifer

Movember